Let’s look at the condition of our heart as it relates to love and intimacy. This introspection can include past and present experiences. Over time we either work to keep our hearts open or we shut down and close off to some of our most important love relationships. We must work to not harden our hearts in our love relationships. Sometimes the soil of the heart needs to be loosened and softened so love can continue to flourish.
Our ability to forgive and keep our hearts soft and warm is our responsibility. A soft heart helps us grow healthy relationships. Successful marriages are based on the couple’s ability to communicate well and the ability to forgive each other along the way.
The “Power to Clear” method works when both parties show some willingness to talk about the conflict. This can work with children or spouse or others that might be close to you. This pattern offers some ideas about how to move past heavy negative feelings and return again to feelings of love and acceptance.
C Communicate with the person directly by verbalizing how you are feeling. Don’t use texting or emails. Seek to understand the other person’s point of view. Ask questions. Look for the breakdown in the communication where there was a misunderstanding. 80% of all conflict is because of misinformation. Issues can be resolved through effective communication and clearing the confusion.
L Listen to what the other person is saying. Don’t assume that you know what they are thinking or feeling. Look for the information that helps you understand their perspective. Listen to them by using reflective listening skills. “What I hear you saying is . . .” Summarize and repeat back to them what you heard. Remember that not everything they are saying is about you. Let go of the need to be defensive. Be willing to let go of the need to hold onto a grudge.
E Evaluate what is their part and what is your part. Don’t take it personal. You might be a trigger” or a “reflection” of something else that is going on their life. Communicate in a way that you can sort out the misunderstanding and the conflict. Be willing to take ownership of what is your part.
A Accountability is the most important step in the Power to Clear method. It gives each person an opportunity to apologize and say, “I’m sorry”. To the degree that you can master this formula is to the degree that you can experience success with your people skills in your personal and business relationships. Work sincerely to keep and build relationships.
R Recommit and reaffirm to self and the other person that the relationship is still meaningful and valuable. Be willing to return your heart to place of forgiveness and allow positive feelings to replace the feelings of conflict. Let go of what is no longer needed and accept the learning and the wisdom that came from this person and this experience.
We actually use the Power to Clear when we process through heavy feelings. We visualize talking directly to the person and move our heavy feelings out of the way by using shapes and colors. This release opens the heart to receive their sincere apology through role play. It is very powerful when this can happen in a real relationship and in real time.
This month we get to celebrate love relationships. We all need to remember to keep our hearts soft and to not be offended when offense is not intended. Let’s do this by communicating our needs better and being more clear in our personal communication. This Valentine’s Day celebrate your spouse’s love language and how they share their love with you in their own unique way. Make sure that you are clear about your expressions of love to them.
By taking responsibility for our own self-care and communicating our needs in effective ways, we can continue to keep our hearts soft. In this soft place of love and gratitude we grow a deep abiding love with the most meaningful people in our lives.
Happy Valentine’s Day!